Thursday, June 4, 2009

06/04/09 - Married Women

Okay married women this one is for you!

My heart is growing weary hearing story after story of married women who have found themselves emotionally attached to a man on the Internet. These are Christian moms and wives, who find themselves in emotional distant marriages looking for support on line and they turn to the wrong place!

Ladies, when we vow to our husbands to remain faithful, it doesn't just mean physically. Our whole heart and our whole bodies belong to him all the days of our life. This is the commitment we enter into when we marry!

When we start looking for emotional support outside of our husbands (I don't mean the type of support you receive from girlfriends, but emotional support for another man) we are cheating on our husbands.

Am I saying that all marriages are the perfect place to foster emotional closeness, of course not. I know some of you are struggling with husbands who don't talk, they bury themselves with work, the TV or Wii is their nightly companion, and he seems to do nothing to keep your emotional tank full. None of his behaviors are an excuse to look outside of him for emotional support.

Do I have all the answers on how to repair years of emotional distance in your marriage? Not really, but what I do know is that looking outside of marriage or the vows you spoke to be emotional satisfied is against God's perfect plan for marriage.


Anonymous said...

As a married woman of 38 years, I have even seen some "girlfriends" friendships used as an emotional release for some women.

If a marriage is at a critical point and emotions by either wife of husband are spent in any other relationship, it's best to focus on the marriage, without distrations, until the problem is resolved.

The only exception to this would be to seek out an older woman, pastor or counselor who would focus on the solution with you...pointing you to a biblical focus.

This seems to be a problem that is sweeping through Christian marriages...such deception. But, we are told to be wise, our enemy is prowling looking for anything of God that he can destroy. XO

Julie said...

This scenario of emotional neglect and exploitation is one of my greatest fears about marriage - I can't think of anything more depressing than living with someone to whom I am a mere workhorse worthy of only perfunctory attention. Useful but unloved. Proverbs 30:23, anyone?

Heather Paulsen said...


I do think that most women see the signs of a husband who is uncaring or emotional unavalible before they marry. There are signs and clues that he will be detached that don't just show up after marriage.

Watch how he treats his mom and day that's how he'll treat you.


Julie said...

I guess women who marry men who are emotionally distant/unavailable from the beginning often fall into one of two traps:
*she romantically idealises him and fails to see the signs.
*she sees how it is, but marries him anyway, hoping he'll change.

But what can make a man become distant and indifferent, if he wasn't at the start of the marriage?

Julie said...

Trap #3 - settling for something less than what you wanted, less than ideal, for fear of missing out altogether - is what I'm afraid of. That's the point of view I was thinking from in my previous comments. I have a feeling that some women have less choices available than others, perhaps because they don't fit the outgoing, friendly, "bubbly" personality type that is so popular. Looks can play a part too, but I think they rank slightly lower than having the "correct" personality.