Friday, May 1, 2009

05/01/09 - Guy/Girl Friendships

Ah, the age old question: Can a guy and a girl be just friends?

In short, yes!

Many come to my blog or read my book have been in some type of confusing guy/girl friendship. But can there be a friendship that is "confusion free"!

The confusion generally begins to take place when one of the person's involves begins to "read into" the actions of the other person. For example, a girl begins to believe that the simple hug after youth group or the text message reminding her about an upcoming event, means that the guy involved likes her and want to take the relationship to the next level.

(Actually normally a small action from a guy like that would produces a week or more worth of: What did he mean by that? Asking other girlfriends, "Do you think he likes me because he did this or that?" Thinking and rethinking about what the tone of his voice was, how long the hug lasted, the exclamation point at the end of the "hope to see you there" text message, and on and on and on till we've thought ourselves into a tizzy!)

Sure, I'll admit that there are things a guy can do that are confusing, but unless he has said, "I like you, I want to date you, and I am treating you this way because my feelings for you are growing." You have no business reading into his actions. (By the way guys, you have no business treating a girl different than other girls unless you've stated your intentions to her!)

It tough not to have expectations, but if you want to simply enjoying a guy/girl friendship we have to have NO expectations of the other person.

I had a conversation with a young woman who was struggling with an on-line friendship. The guy "blew" her off of an instant message date they had set up and she was upset. She didn't know if she should confront him on this or just let it go.

I asked her, "How would you feel if this was a girlfriend? Would you confront the girlfriend or would you just think to yourself, 'Something must have come up'?"

In order to have a guy/girl friendship it's important to keep your own expectations and thoughts in check. Don't read into the actions of your friend, just enjoy the friendship.


Elizabeth J. said...

Thanks so much for sharing this- I think it will be helpful to me and many other young women.

Olivia Coy said...

I really like this. Just what I needed to hear.

Joy said...

This was great, Heather! The two most "successful" guy-girl relationships I've enjoyed have been with two upfront guys. One said, "I'm really enjoying hanging out with you, but I want to make sure we're on the same page: I'm not interested in dating you. Where are you at? Let's keep our communication lines clear." Dugan remains one of my best friends today, 7 years later. The other said, "Joy, I know we have some catching up to do, but I need to tell you that I'm really interested in you. I'd like to pursue a friendship with you and see where it leads. What do you think?" I married Pete two years later. :)

Samantha said...

Thanks so much for sharing ;)
I try to stay out of the whole "What do you think he means?, Do you think they like each other" drama with some of my girl friends :P Its hard but i just "try" ( i don't always secede) to change subjects or encourage them not to look into it 2 much.
Sometime I think we put ourselves in those kinds of situations, we let ourselves tex, email, and sometimes talk alone with guy which stirs up all the teen that we can't be friends with guys, you just have to make sure you and the guy are not giving each other wrong intentions or being in situations that might....
Thanks for your wonderful post, your blog is such an encouraging :)
In Christ

Curley Green said...

Thanks so much for your insight and wisdom. It's very helpful for girls like me who really over-analyze everything! =D But...what do you do if a really good guy friend of several years changes the way he feels for you? And you really, really don't want to hurt him, but you don't feel that way for him and really, really don't want to mis-lead him? Just a question I've been struggling w/ recently...