Thursday, April 9, 2009

04/09/09 - Kiddos

Just recently I was thinking about posting my feelings on how wonderful kids have made my marriage.

Let me tell you about my line of thinking.

When we got married John and I were shocked at how negative people were. We'd hear things like, "Are you sure you want to? Those happy feelings don't last long." "Why would you want to give up your freedom?" "The 'honeymoon' won't last two weeks." And so on and so on. Only a handful of people we're positive.

We came to realize that most people just aren't happily married, thus reflect their own marriage in how they thought ours would be.

It was upsetting to hear Christian couples complain about their own marriages in a strange comment about us getting married.

John and I were determined to not have this attitude. We love being married. The happy feelings have not gone away, even after almost 6 years of marriage. Our first year of marriage was amazing, not dreadful. I've grown more in love with John than I thought was possible.

Then when we got pregnant comments didn't stop. If we thought the comments were bad when we got married, they got worse about having kids. People acted as if we were just committing ourselves to 18 years of pure misery.

Having kids is a sacrifice, but oh if I could begin to share how it has grown John and I closer, if I could share the pure joy of having children...I'd write a really long post.

Our marriage has been blessed having children. I believe the reason we see kids as a marriage builder and not a marriage hindrance, is our own willingness to be selfless. (No, we're not perfect and we both struggle with feelings of selfishness, but our prayer and desire is to be selfless with each other and our children.)

Having kids requires you to be totally selfless and if you cling to selfishness, you'll find yourself unsatisfied and frustrated having kids.

I hope you are encouraged to know having kids will not ruin your marriage, but, with the right attitude before the Lord, you can be very satisfied in your marriage with children.


Kristen said...

I'd love to read a longer post. I too continue to fall more in love with my husband as each day goes on, but I'm worried about how children will effect our marriage. We will be celebrating 3 years of marriage this summer when our first child is born.

chakia said...

Thanks for sharing. I just heard an interview of another young couple who said that they received alot of negative comments about marriage before they were married. But, they (like you and your husband) said that their first year of marriage was great and their marriage is still going strong.

What you say about "selfishness vs selflessness" is definitely true. I believe if you do your best to embrace the role God has for you in marriage and parenting, it'll be easier and a lot more joyful to be married and a godly parent.

God Bless!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post! I'm not married, but have seen some of the same things and am glad to have you, as a married woman, express that it doesn't have to be that way. :-) Thank you for encouraging us to pray and work for a good marriage and a happy, Christ-like family life! ~Rachel

Keelie said...

Seeing my husband interact with my children makes me fall in love with him all over again--everyday. Having children has definitely enhanced our marriage.

Julie said...

I think the main reason it's difficult to be a parent in today's society is the sense of isolation. I'm sure young parents in every generation, particularly stay at home mothers, have felt overwhelmed by their responsibilities. That's why it's so vital to have a strong support network of extended family, friends, church community etc.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post...I absolutely agree. I have been married for 25 years and have four children (wished we could have had more). Marriage can be wonderful and having children can make it even more wonderful. But, I have to say, I've made those comments to a couple of those just getting married myself, no reflection on my own marriage. I have just felt a caution was necessary because of their particular relationship. And that is exactly what I saw...a selfish spirit in one or both of them. But where selflessness abounds and you have no other cautions from your parents, marriage is wonderful and so are children within the marriage. And I've said many encouraging words to those who are in a positive relationship.

Heather Paulsen said...


I agree that you can comment in a hopes to help the young couple see that they may not be ready or prepared for marriage...but the comments I am referring to are some where they just really think ill of being marry, not helpful you-need-to-be-better-prepared comments.