Monday, July 7, 2008

07/07/08 - Her Quest/ion

I received this from a faithful reader and just have to share! I think it's so well thought out!

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Her Quest/ion:

Bubbly, loving, lonely girl struggles to know how to conduct herself among guy friends, to be chummy without being intimate. To hug or not to hug? Frontways or sideways? To put sunlotion on his back when he asks? She'd do it if her brother asked, but he's not her brother. To accept a shoulder massage when grieving together over the death of someone dear? To decide on these things before the event, or relax and trust to having wisdom when the moment arrives?

Her Answer:

Upon examination of her nature, she came up with the following protective rationale:

Being needy for physical touch/hugs, she should therefore not encourage them from guy friends.Loving quickly and deeply, she should therefore be reserved in her manner toward guy friends.Being eager to share of herself (thoughts, emotions), she should therefore direct this energy toward family and girlfriends.

These lofty aims at first seemed unnecessarily restrictive because they were opposite to her natural inclinations. But then she thought, which nature am I talking about? My God-given uniqueness? Or my human tendencies? In an environment of tolerance, it's easy to accept the world's philosophy that man is inherently good, when in truth self is sinful and the desires of the flesh lead only to death. (She might have told herself the shoulder massage came from a brother, but he may have had seen it from a different perspective. Certainly it was quite some time before she admitted to herself that she generated a gleeful emotional party out his attention.) Short-term pampering of her emotional needs at the expense of her and/or his heart-wholeness cannot by any stretch be called a God-given inclination.

Is she afraid presenting a reserved front will resign her to the ranks of cold, uninteresting spinsterhood? Yes. But if there is a man waiting somewhere for her (and she has to believe he is), then she SHOULD be holding treasures in reserve for him. Thus to decide which treasures exactly, and conduct herself accordingly. THAT is the bottom line, and not how others may perceive her, which is, in one word, Pride.

Proverbs 4:23 pleads, "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

By the testimony of couples who did hold their treasure in reserve for each other, the rewards are well worth every smidgen of restraint.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow! I'm going to read this one again... I can relate so well to the struggle going on, and whoever said it wasn't a battlefield? Keep your heart with ALL diligence! Thank you for posting this... you got me there with that one word PRIDE, its a tough cookie to swallow, realizing exactly what my motives are in any given situation. Thanks again, it's a great way to explain the situations we face!

Rachel said...

I was sooo encouraged to read this post today. Those are all things that I have thought and said and purposed, but I have never heard anyone else express the same things. I needed to hear that; if nothing else just to know that there are other single people who understand. I totally agree with everything said. I have married friends who have been super careful, but have said that it is hard the last month before being married and have even taken the month basically away from each other and only talked on the phone until the week they got married to make sure that they did not give in to desires they had. I know it won't be easy no matter what you do, but I agree with you and in knowing myself don't want that for me. I would rather be those other couples who were soooo glad to have waited in every area, little and small. I think that they are able to deal with temptations that come along because of their decisions. It is tough and in a beginning relationship right now, you don't want them to think you're strange, but I think that the right person will honor and respect those choices I have made to stay as far away from temptation as possible and to keep myself pure emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Thanks so much for that blog!!!!