I received another honest question from a reader! I love real, heart searching questions!
"I have a mindset that I would like to "break free" from. I am making progress, but I was thinking that maybe you could give me some pointers. I am heading back to a college in the fall, and here is the situation. Whenever I hear of, meet, or see girls that will be in my pool of social friends and acquaintances, and that are pretty, intelligent, and seem to have it "all together", I start having these emotions start to play with my head.
I get bitter towards them, jealous, angry; I start feeling like the potential "guy" prospects will go for those girls instead of me, I start feeling like I can never be good enough for, "insert guys name" enough, etc. I feel less than the girls, or else I put them down in my mind, and think myself better than them.
Now that I have recognized this problem within me, how do I change? How do I change my thinking, my actions, etc. and attain peace of mind once again? It's like I know all the right things, but it still doesn't change my emotions/actions/thought processes"
Isn't that honest! I just love it!
Why do we women compare ourselves to one another? Why do we put other women down, to make ourselves feel better about ourselves? Why do we look at the qualities we don't like about ourselves and compare them to other women?
She's smarter, prettier, thinner, funnier, happier, more put together, more extroverted, more reserved than me...you name it we compare it! Reader, you're not alone!
I remember right after I had Luke I went to a story time at the library. Another mom was there with two young kids (about the ages of my boys) and her hair was done, her make-up was perfect, she had no extra baby weight on, her kids were well behaved and beautifully dressed. I remember looking at her thinking, "Now she's got it together and just look at me!"
I was instantly convicted by the Spirit to remember that God had me right where he wanted me: no make-up, kids who had extra energy, baby weight, not totally put together! God was looking at my heart and He is wanting that to be focused on Him and not other moms or women!
What are some helpful ways to break this mindset? Well, you've done step one: recognize it as a problem and seek to change the thought pattern.
Often we don't see the recognize the filter we're using. For you, the filter would be, how you're viewing the women around you. We must see our sisters in Christ as our number one support. We must pray for them to be blessed. We must also pray that we will be sensitive to the Spirit in his matter.
Second, we need to begin to memorize God's Word to fight off these jealous, self-righteous, and angry thoughts. When a thought enters your mind, "Look at her, she's so pretty. Of course every guy I know is going to go after her. But she's really ditsy! I mean she not that smart, I'm so much smarter than her!" use a verse to combat that thought.
Third, invest your energy in your female friends. That may sounds a bit backwards with the issue you wrote me about, but as you get to know these other women, you may find yourself with a change of heart.
Fourth, we have to remember that God has your husband (Lord willing) picked out. I've meet countless guys that once they've met THE ONE, there's not another girl who could make his attention shift! He's single focused on her and not anyone else.
If you've met a guy who flips from one girl to the next, giving his attention and affection away freely, he's mostly likely not the type of guy you'd want for a husband.
So know (although it may be hard at times to remember) that God's got this one! He's not going to forget to introduce to your husband and no other girl will take his attention off of you!