Tuesday, June 10, 2008

06/10/08 - What Women Do (Part 1)

When God began to show me the importance of emotional purity in my life, He began to sift some of the ugly, sinful behavior out of my actions that were not helpful in finding and maintaining emotional purity.

The rest of this week we'll look at the behavior of us women and how we can shift those actions to help us stay fixed on the Lord.

The first thing the Lord began to reveal to me was my manipulative actions. When there was a guy that I liked I made sure I spent time with him, saw him, talked to him, or just found a way to be around him....yes, manipulation.

When I liked a guy in college I knew his schedule and I knew which hall he'd be down, on what days, and at what times. I tired my best to "accidentally" see him there each opportunity I had.

There would be the rearranging of seating in order to sit next to the guy I liked. Or making sure that if he was going to be eating dinner in the same cafeteria that we'd sit by each other.

I made sure that if I was going to be assigned to a work project, so was a guy I liked. Or if there was a chance to get together I'd make sure he knew about the activity.

I was the queen of manipulation! I had mastered it!

God pruned this from my life. I knew that when it was the guy I married was to come along I would not want to manipulate anything in order to get to know him, spend time with him, or be near him. This was on my radar. I knew what it felt like to manipulate and it was never satisfying because it was not coming from a guys desire to spend time with me, but from me forcing it to happen!

The core of this was a lack of trust and control. These can be subtle, but extremely active in our life.

Look at the way you "try" to make something happen. Do you control or manipulate to be near a guy you like? What are ways God has been pruning this from your life?

Please comment on this series of posts! I'd love to hear what you think!!


Julie said...

It takes a clever and bold girl, one confident of her own appeal, to successfully pull off that sort of manipulation, without looking stupid or desperate. I was never brave enough to try it myself.
For a woman to put herself in a man's path to attract his attention and interest is considered normal in worldly culture. But I doubt all that game playing really brings a happy result. The self-help book "He's Just Not That Into You" comes to mind.

Taffy said...

I so relate to this...I have been convicted of this and know that I have to come to a place of surrender..and let the guy seek me out as this will be my first test of submission if he is the one.Sometimes I even question my motives when I embark on certain church projects in church...whether or not i have joined those projects/ministry to catch the attention of a guy. Thank you so much for sharing this topic. I feel empowered now.

God bless

arcee said...

there is a spyware software for pcs called spybot: search and destroy. i know this is very silly, but that phrase really does come to mind about when we women manipulate. our relentlessness destroys what God really intends for a good relationship.

ah...julie, i read that book, too, when it came out. it was enlightening and it made me miserable at the same time! :)

Alysa said...


I was actually always quite the opposite! If there was ever a guy I was even remotely interested in, I would avoid him at all costs, and not even dare take a glance in his direction!

Part of this was nervousness and shyness, of how he would see me, and the other is self-consiousness, that anyone would even suggest that I might be interested in him (or vice-versa) and that we could be a "couple."

Even tho I am now 20-something, I still blush uncontrollably if someone tries to set me up with a guy, even if I'm not interested in him.

I know in some ways, it's good, because my emotions are still very pure, but is it possible to go too far the other way, as to develop a fear of a relationship?

Thanks for your blog... I enjoy reading it! God bless you.

ladyakofa said...

I've been there before!
But these days, I tend to be aloof towards a guy that I like, because I don't want him to know know that I like him and don't want to manipulate either. That's the extreme opposite of relating to Christian brothers.

So how do we, ladies, create the balance, Heather? I'd love your thoughts on this too. Or rather, what's the godly approach?

Anonymous said...

Hi, Heather! I ditto what one of the girls said, about how do we create the balance? I too, find myself becoming aloof in an attempt to not be manipulative. Heather, this post so very much HIT HOME!!!! I am so guilty of this, and I want to change, but it is how I think... it has become a habit almost...how do I change?

RMS said...

This topic also leads to the idea of dating sites. Is that sinful? Does it fall into manipulation? Or is it just another way to meet people, dare I even propose a place and way that God can act and intervene, in this modern society? I have had Christian friends meet each other, and eventually marry, because of eharmony and other similar sites.

Anonymous said...

I agree that I tend to avoid guys I like because I am scared of getting hurt. At the same time I do think of excuses to write on their facebook walls…

But on the other hand I'm wondering, "So if a girl does something to get to know a guy better it's manipulative and if a guy does it he is pursuing her and it is ok if it’s the right time and all that?"