Thursday, April 24, 2008

04/24/08 - Emotional Affairs

A lot of visitors come to my site looking for information on how to break free from an emotional affair.

First, that is the first step...realizing you are in an emotional affair. Here are some questions to ask yourself to know if you are in an emotional affair:

1) Do I look for private time with this person (via the phone, Internet, text messaging, or in person).
2) Do I tell this person things I do not talk to my mate about?
3) Do I think about this person more than is normal in a friendship?
4) Would I talk about these things if my mate was with us?
5) Do I keep my friendship with this person a secret from my mate?

Realizing you are in an emotional affair can be the biggest thing you can do. If you are in denial you will not work towards breaking free.

Second, you must cut off the relationship. Stop seeing this person, stop text messaging this person, stop talking to this person via. the Internet!

I can hear some of you now, "But I work with this person." Or "I have to have contact with this person because of our ministry."

If you have to have contact with that person it doesn't mean you need to talk about things that are not appropriate. Keep the conversation about the topic at hand. If they try to talk to you about things you shared in the past, just tell them that you need to not talk about such issues with them because you realize it is not appropriate!

Third, find accountability! A friend or a co-worker can help you keep in line with this friendship. I knew one gal who was starting an emotional affair with a young man who worked at the gym she went to. She learned to take a friend along with her to workout so she could not engage in any conversation that was not appropriate!

Hope this helps!

1 comment:

SK: ) said...

Thanks for this post, Heather. Can I add a thought? I think the unmarried should also ask these five questions, substituting "parents" for "mate."