Saturday, March 22, 2008

03/22/08 - Preparing For Marriage (Part 5)

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four

Keep oneself physically pure will aid in a richly satisfying marriage!

Before I go on, let me say that I know that God is a God of GRACE! He forgives, He heals, He restores, He extends grace! So if you've "messed up" in this area already know that He can heal you. You must be willing to work through the issues that may arise from stepping ahead of His perfect timing in this area, but know it can be worked through! You can have restoration!

We all hear, "Don't have sex till your married! God tells you not to and I tell you not to!

Sometimes this is all we hear!

Well, I want to share why, not just because God says so, but why, what difference it will make and blessings you will have in your marriage, if you wait.

John and I were virgins on our wedding night. We know that we're in a growing minority of people who actually remain virgins till their wedding. After we were married, especially that first year, we'd say to each other, "Thank you for waiting. I can't even imagining knowing that you've done this with someone else." This greatly helps trusting that one will remain faithful within the marriage commitment.

It was wonderful to know that neither one of us had a "past". We were so thankful for the purity we had and thanked God fully for His grace in keeping us pure!

Contrast that with other people I've talked to about this issue.

One person told me, "I know that certain issues in our marriage are because we didn't wait. I always wonder what it would be like if would have waited? Would this issue be here if we had waited?"

Another person told me, "We knew in order to have a real relationship with our kids we'd have to be completely honest in answering all their questions, which did include them asking us if we 'waited' till we were married. That was one of the saddest days of my life when I had to look my own kids in the eye and tell them of our sin."

I also heard another woman explain that she's always had a hard time fully respecting her husband because of their sin of premarital sex. She said she felt he didn't respect her enough to wait and that has stuck with her throughout their marriage.

The bible tells you to wait, your parents tell you to wait and for good reason because the consequence of sin can be long lasting. It can effect your marriage and your relationship with your kids (Especially if you decide you don't want to tell them. If you choose to not share with your kids your past sins it will be hard to not build a wall between you and them. You may find yourself as a "Stuffer" family.)

When you are in a relationship that heading towards marriage, maybe engagement, it's easy to "do" more and more because you are so committed to marriage. But, let me say that the more you save for marriage, the more you will be richly satisfied in this area of your marriage!

Saving yourself physically for marriage may be difficult at times, but well worth the wait!

Have a Blessed Easter and I'll be back next week with a couple more installments of "Preparing For Marriage!"


Megan said...

Thank you, thank you!! I always love how you show us the real *goal* and *purpose* for keeping ourselves emotionally and physically pure - which, in showing the beauty of how it plays out after marriage, is something that can only come from one who has done it themselves. ;) Happy Easter!

Heather Paulsen said...

You are welcome! I am thankful to be able to share the real reason why. At times I wish I could sit down with each of you and just share the blessings of waiting on God. You'd be able to see the excitement, the joy, the peace, the elation of waiting on God!

Happy Easter to you as well!

Anonymous said...

general question regarding forgiveness towards a boyfriend for his "past". we are each committed to waiting, but that doesn't erase what has been done. any wisdom/advice on that?

thanx for all of your posts! i love reading it!

Heather Paulsen said...

Sorry it's taken me awhile to respond to the forgiveness question. Mostly I've stalled because I have had to think through this one.

Since I've not had to do this personally, I am not sure what it would look like. What I have had to do is forgive people for hurting me other ways.

Forgiveness is a choice. It's a choice to not bring up the "past" and to just let the past be the past. Realize that he is a new creation and that God has extended his grace.

As issues arise in your relationship, seek out some mentors who've walked the same path. They may be helpful in identifying those issues that may come up!


Anonymous said...

I am a seventeen year old young woman, who was sexually abused for several years. I dread the thought of having to sit down with my husband to-be and tell him the truth. I know there is forgiveness, but I feel dirty and used. Please pray for me!I want to be made pure...