Friday, March 14, 2008

03/14/08 - Comment Responce

Yesterday I posted about Authentic Communication and I received this comment:

"I really appreciate this post. It makes sense and sounds really practical. Even though I know your point is to stress communication, I'm wondering if you could go deeper and give examples of everything you and John talked about. It actually surprised me that you said that. I guess I'm trying to sort out this whole emotional intimacy thing and what it means practically. Like of course if you're going to marry someone you want to know where they stand on things so that it's clear beforehand, but then again, I think that'd create a lot of emotional intimacy? It's just kind of all confusing. How do you know how much to open up as your relationship is unfolding and growing? You said you walk away from you just take it as it comes?"

When John and I began to date, our goal and intention was extremely clear from the first night. We knew we were in this with marriage in mind. We knew we were committed to seek God for marriage in our life!

Five days later we started planning our wedding, so we were committed to marriage, thus we felt the need to communicate about everything that was appropriate.

I do know that our situation is not the norm! But once we come to the place where you are in a relationship with a commitment, I believe you are free to become (this of course is a process) emotional intimate. Those times I'd walk away from John was when we had no commitment.

Does this help?


rachaelizabeth said...

yes, that helps, thanks...was it just so clear that this was going to work out that five days later you were committed? when did he propose officially?

it kinda makes me nervous becuase your story isn't normal and i guess i just have to trust god that when the time comes it will work out. but it's hard to picture starting out a relationship and then talking about marriage and everything right away! which is what i would want to do, but it just sounds like something that doesn't happen normally or like a guy would be, "whoa, slow down!" but i guess the type of guy i'd want to be with anyway would be someone who'd want to discuss it all too right away so it's all clear and not playing games.

so would that be a kinda test for a guy? if things seem to be moving in that direction, i bring on the committment talk or try to get him to and then if he's unwilling, i know to say goodbye?

i'm probably way over thinking this since i can't practice it right now...

Heather Paulsen said...


He offically proposed about 5 weeks later after he had the ring made, we also waited for his parents to get home (they're snow birds).

I didn't think it was possible to find a guy who wouldn't have that "slow down" mindset. I actually didn't know how John was going to respond. I thought after it became offical, he'd still want to keep it under wraps.

But he didn't. He told me, "I want to find the highest point in Zion (the town where we lived) and yell to everyone, 'I'm dating Heather Paulsen!'"

We also were friends for 6 months and got to know about each other. I knew he had all those things I had prayed for. So it wasn't dating without us even knowing each other.

My sister and her husband dated and were married within 4 months as well. It is possible and God is preparing men out there who know what they want and will want it when they see it ;-)

I'll be praying for your husband!
Have a blessed weekend!

rachaelizabeth said...

thanks so much for responding and letting me pick your brain a bit.

i love this (it gives me a good perspective): "God is preparing men out there who know what they want and will want it when they see it ;-)"

Anonymous said...

What you said helped. I'd like to ask two more questions. How involved were your parents in this? Did they "approve" him dating you before he approached you? And, if so, what kinds of things did they look for, ask him, etc. ? Also, The post said " I'm wondering if you could go deeper and give examples of everything you and John talked about." what things DID you talk about.