Monday, March 3, 2008

03/03/08 - Motives revisited

It seems that my Motives post from last month is still creating a bit of conversation with my readers.

Julie posted:
"I am a single Christian woman. Since my late teens I have had a longing for marriage, which has persisted into my late twenties. Over time I lost any silly, self-centred motives I might have had.

As I matured, I realized I have equally strong reasons to fear and shun the possibility of marriage. The result of these two sets of conflicting emotions is bouts of confusion and deep unhappiness. Why would God place a desire in my heart for something that would bring me sorrow and pain? A broken relationship might even destroy me. I sometimes wonder if it's simply yearning for the unattainable.

My reasons against marriage:
*Fear of men and sex.
*Being an intensely emotional person, with a tendency toward anxiety and depression.
*Conflict affects me on a personal level - if someone I am close to is angry with me, it feels as though I am hated and rejected by them.
*Fear of being mentally dominated by someone else - their beliefs and ideas pressed upon me so I lose my sense of self.

I wish this ambivalence would go away so I can really get on with life. Can you advise me on how to pray so that I may have peace on this matter (or perhaps peace from it)? I really need help with this."

There is much in this comment to respond to, I may take two days!

The counselor in me has many questions and observations. This fear of marriage generally doesn't come from "left field". Normally someone has experienced something in their own life (divorce of parents, abuse) to produce such fear. I don't have all the facts of Julie's life, but I do know that being so consumed with fear is coming from a place where healing has yet to take place.

Now maybe it's not coming from a place of pain, but then I ask why do you feel so fearful of marriage?

You ask how to pray. I am a person who is specific in my prayer life. Ask God to take away any unreasonable fear you have. Ask God for those specific areas of your life where you want freedom from controlling emotions.

Please e-mail me privately for more conversation!

1 comment:

arcee said...

Julie, if you read this, I'd like to encourage you to read what God says in His good word in 1 Timothy 3, Titus 1-2, Ephesians 5, 1 Peter 3, and Proverbs 31 about men and women in the context of marriage. I would even challenge you to memorize portions of these passages on character. I have had (still struggle) with some similar fears and doubts! And yet, as I fix my eyes on the Lord and the way He designed marriage, it is very good indeed! A godly man will not seek your harm, but rather your good. He will not mock you for your weaknesses, but rather encourage you, pray for you, and do what he can to contribute to a healthy home. I'll stop here...but I'll be praying that the Lord will show you His Truth on this. --Rebekah