Friday, February 8, 2008

02/08/08 - Dating (part 2)

Rachel asked: "How do you define dating? How can you know from first meeting someone if he is your future husband? I know I'm still in the "praying and searching" stage, and wonder how I can meet my future husband without "dating"(in the sense of hanging out with someone, trying to get to know him both individually and in groups) before that in search of him. "

I define dating as becoming emotionally involved with someone with no clear guidelines, direction or intentions with the relationship.

This can look different for different people. Dating is not just going out to dinner and a movie. Often times dating is very ambigous! No one clearly talks about the relationship and both are enjoying the self satisfying aspect of the relationship and don't want that to they continue in this limbo, undefinded stage.

I've talked to young women who are heart broken over a relationship that has changed its dynamics. They'll say, "Well, we never really dated." Just because a guy doesn't say, "We're dating!" Doesn't mean those are not dating relationships. Often times it's in these relationships that one finds themselves more emotionally hurt.

Dating should have a goal and a purpose. Getting to know someone can come in all different ways. Also, that "praying and searching" stage should come when both people are ready to get married, which completly eliminates dating too young.

Rachel, does this help?


Olivia said...

I like these 2 dating posts. So many people date just to say they are actually "dating". People so frequently ask my sister why she doesn't have a boyfriend and she is like the purpose of dating is to get to know someone better for marriage and I don't plan on getting married anytime soon. Olivia

Rachel said...

Yes! Thank you so much for your insights :-)

Anonymous said...

Your last sentence in this post says: 'Also, that "praying and searching" stage should come when both people are ready to get married, which completly eliminates dating too young.'
When you say "are ready to get married", when do you suppose that would be? Is that different for a guy than for a girl?

Anonymous said...

How do you know when you are "ready to get married"? Is is just the legal age, and then you can start thinking about who? I'm (as of 5 weeks ago) in a relationship with a young man (17) and our goal would be to see if we fit with each other and could get married, but how do you know for sure? I've prayed for and fantasized about a relationship with him for years and now that it's "coming true" I can't help but think that it's a sign...but I don't know for sure. We're both young though (I'm 16) so obviously not able to get married, but we're not really "dating". I guess what I'm wondering is when the time is that one would be ready to get married?