Thursday, February 7, 2008

02/07/08 - Dating

I really enjoy e-mails and questions. Yesterday I received this question: Is it ok to date before you meet the one? What do you think?

I believe dating to just date, to just have fun and have someone to be emotionally, physically, and spiritually intimate with is, at the most basic form, selfishness. When two people date with NO intention of making a future out of the relationship, they are being selfish.

This may sound harsh, but let's break it down.

Dating to just date is saying that you want to use someone to fulfill an emotional or physical need. I, personally, can't see any other reason that someone dates to just date.

When I was in high school I wanted a boyfriend because of what it would fulfill in me. It would help my self-esteem, help me fit in to the crowd, and make me feel worthy of effection from a boy. All self focused. There was no thought that this was to glorify God.

I will tell my boys that they are not ready to date, until they are ready to get married. I want them to not tap into the emotions (or physical intimacy) until they are ready to take a relationship to marriage.

Hope this helps!


Rachel said...

Hi Heather,
A question stemming from this post, please :-) Silly as this must sound, how do you define dating? How can you know from first meeting someone if he is your future husband? I think I'm really asking the same thing just different wording. I know I'm still in the "praying and searching" stage, and wonder how I can meet my future husband without "dating"(in the sense of hanging out with someone, trying to get to know him both individually and in groups) before that in search of him. This is not meant to be criticism at all (please don't interpret as such), but I would very much appreciate your opinion. Many thanks!

Sara N. Smith said...

Amen. I totally agree - why should we give away a piece of our heart to someone who isn't intented to care for someone who isn't God's best for us??
Thank you for the encouragement to me and all other young ladies!

Joseph said...

I can see how a man would date (even if I were to hold to some of the definitions you have used here on your blog) in an unselfish way. It does not seem odd to me at all. I can see a man using dating as a structural tool that not only can be unselfish- but may seem like a giant imposition to him that requires him to give of himself more than he would like with not much promised in return (and this especially for one who is maintaining his sexual purity).

I cannot agree at all that dating is inherently selfish. I can agree that it is clumsy. I can agree that it can be confusing. I have to say it is a far cry from ideal (and of course I am referring to dating in the United States). Selfish, though, that I think is going too far. I met a politically active man once who was a communist- that did not lead me to believe that political activism leads to communism. Dating "just to date" is something strange in history, but where it comes from might not be quite so clear as one might hope.

julie said...

Recreational dating at its very worst is an unpaid form of prostitution. The world teaches women they have to "put out" in order to keep a man's interest, and men are taught that this is their due.