Monday, February 4, 2008

02/04/08 - Motives

Thanks to all of you who posted a comment in the "Getting to know you" blog! It has been fun for me to see who's out there in blogland!

I received these questions and thought I'd just blog my answers.

What should be a single Christian's motive/s for wanting to be married?

There are many different motives for wanting to be married, but I believe you must sift your heart's motives through God's filter. What is the purpose of marriage in the bible? I believe there are two main reasons: procreation and to mirror the relationship of Christ and the church to an unbelieving world.

I also firmly believe that God can place the desire to be married on a person's heart. There was a season in my life where I really didn't long for marriage (it was short, but there was a time)!

After awhile God started stirring in me a desire to get married. I knew my motives were pure. I knew my longing for marriage was from God because I truly wanted it to a) it would point people to Him and b) if being married I could become more Christlike.

Say you're single, of marriagable age & maturity, but with no "prospect" on the horizon. What should be our reason for wanting to be married? Is it for loneliness, or self-esteem (emotional neediness), or even purely physical?

All three of those reasons are reasons people long for marriage. However we must look to God to satisfy all our need first. A mate will never be an all in all. We must be careful to not make marriage an idol.

What is it that stops these motions driving us to desperation? If the Lord is our source of contentment (and, as many books have said, our husband, prince, etc) then why would we still desire to be with someone?

Psalms 37:4 states: Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

In the greek the word: give, has two means: 1) to place 2) to bestow

I believe God can place the desire to be married on your heart and then bestow that to you in His perfect timing. We must examine our heart to know if our motives are selfish or from God.

And, is it right to pray for God to send you a husband/wife? Again, what would be one's motive in this?

New Year's Eve 1995 God convicted me to not pray for a husband, but to pray for MY husband. So I did! Each year I had a certian prayer request that would come to my heart and I'd faithfully pray for him! I knew praying for a husband was coming from a selfish place in my heart.

Hope this helped!


Esther said...

Fantastic post!

Alex said...

Wonderful, thank you so much. Of course, I have a few queestiones...

What if God has placed the desire to marry in your heart, but you aren't "old enough" according to society? — i.e. can't support a family yet, still in school, not "independent.

As a tangent to that question, what if, just suppose, God shows you who your wife will be during that time? What then??

Again, thank you.

Julie said...

I found your blog by accident a little while ago, and I find it interesting and insightful.

I am a single Christian woman. Since my late teens I have had a longing for marriage, which has persisted into my late twenties. Over time I lost any silly, self-centred motives I might have had. As I matured, I realised I have equally strong reasons to fear and shun the possibility of marriage. The result of these two sets of conflicting emotions is bouts of confusion and deep unhappiness. Why would God place a desire in my heart for something that would bring me sorrow and pain? A broken relationship might even destroy me. I sometimes wonder if it's simply yearning for the unattainable.

My reasons against marriage:
*Fear of men and sex.
*Being an intensely emotional person, with a tendency toward anxiety and depression.
*Conflict affects me on a personal level - if someone I am close to is angry with me, it feels as though I am hated and rejected by them.
*Fear of being mentally dominated by someone else - their beliefs and ideas pressed upon me so I lose my sense of self.

I wish this ambivalence would go away so I can really get on with life. Can you advise me on how to pray so that I may have peace on this matter (or perhaps peace from it)? I really need help with this.

Joseph said...

You know I am curious about Julie's comment about conflict. I have met a lot of women who seem to share that sentiment (if someone is angry with me, I feel hated and rejected). I wonder why that is.

julie said...

To Joseph:
Perhaps the women you have met who respond as I do to conflict have experienced emotional violence in childhood. By this, I mean bearing the brunt of other people's anger. Parents can come home after a bad day at work and yell at their kids for doing something minor, or maybe even just being there when the parent walks in. If discipline regularly takes the form of a tirade which tears down a child's self-esteem, of course they're going to feel upset/anxious whenever someone is angry, whether or not that anger is directed at them.

julie said...

Something else occurred to me after I wrote my commment about emotional violence. Worse still than simply being yelled at is a tirade followed by a day or two of the silent treatment - that sure feels like rejection.

Julie said...

Two more purposes for marriage mentioned in the Bible:

1) Companionship (Genesis 2:4-25)
2) To avoid sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 7:2)