Saturday, November 3, 2007

11/03/07 - Emotional Attachements

Yesterday I received this comment:

"What if you're not married, but you've become emotionally attached to someone you know you're not going to marry? Is it possible to break the attachment without destroying the friendship with him and his family?"

My first question would be: Is he as emotionally attached to you, as you are to him?

If he is, then it may be a bit more difficult because of the expectations he and his family may have. The family may expect that you will be in his future and it may be hard to let that go.

He may need to know that you'd like to back away emotionally from him and it doesn't mean you don't want his friendship, it just means you don't want to be as emotionally connected to him. This can be said in a very graceful way.

If he is not emotionally attached, then a lot of the "breaking" will be on you. Letting go of your own expectations of the relationship and not being emotionally available to him.

Breaking the attachment will include not being around, not manipulating the situation to be with him or talk to him, and just backing away from the friendship. Keeping your thoughts and conversation in check to make sure you're not sharing too much emotionally.

Hope this helps!


arcee said...

To avoid emotional attachments in the future, it helps to set boundaries.
Although it is natural that most people desire affirmation from others, we have to keep in mind what we are doing and why we are doing it.
Obedience is huge here. When we begin to sense even the slightest inclination that something we are doing or saying is not honoring the Lord, that is the time to stop, repent, and walk (or run) in the other direction.
One of the greatest (subtle) dangers is when we don't stop in our tracks right away!

Anonymous said...

So, God definitely laid this idea of emotional purity on my heart this past weekend through a series of events. I definitely became attached to a close guy friend, began to see us together, but he felt otherwise. I was basically devastated but pushed it out of my mind. I began dating someone else, and our one year anniversary is coming up. But throughout the past year, I've struggled with the emotional damage from the previous situation. I always felt guilty because he would constantly be on my mind or I would frequently have vivid dreams about him, etc., but after being brought to the idea of emotional purity, I realized what had happened and now I am waiting on your book in the mail--cannot wait to read it. I've just been praying and trying to figure out what God wants me to do in this. I guess my question is--do you think that it is ok/healthy to be in this current relationship while now trying to deal with the previous damage? I talked to my boyfriend about it and he was incredibly understanding and supportive in my efforts to move past this. I know this may be something that you would need to know more about in order to answer, or it may just even be something that everyone has a differnt opinion on--but nonetheless, I wanted to throw it out there. Thank you for writing this book!