Thursday, September 20, 2007

09/20/07 - Question

Matthew left a comment a couple of days ago and I wanted to get to answering it. Here was his comment/question:

"I have a few female friends who seem to put all their emotions into a relationship before it really even starts. Then when they get hurt a few days later because nothing came like they hoped it would, I am the ear they speak to and the shoulder they cry on. What are things I can suggest to them or say to them to help them stop doing this?"

There are two things that jump out at me:

1) "The get hurt a few days later..." Just a few days! I know some girls who sink their emotions in a relationship with a guy for years and years. One friend I think of liked this guy for over 5 years before it finally ended. They were on and off again. Never dated, but would hang out. Then it would be less intense and she's be frustrated and then it would get back to more consistent hanging out.

It took her years to get over him and move on. Thankfully, now she is happily married with a young son. So it's amazing your friends move in and out of these relationships in just days.

Because they are doing this, I am assuming they are younger (correct me if I am wrong). What they need to know is that this contuinal giving of their hearts, hoping the relationship will turn into something, and longing for a boyfriend, will just lead to a life of being unsatisfied with where God has them. They are looking for these guys to provide them with some type of emotional satisfaction that only God can do.

2) "I am the ear they speak to and the shoulder they cry on.." Although, they may need this friend to listen to them, I'd suggest that they look to another girl. They may find themselves attaching themselves to you in an unhealthy way.

You could point them to other resources: my book or blog. You could also tell them to look to a girl friend or even a mentor.

Now saying all of that, when I was a teenager I was overweight and not very attractive. So I was a "safe" friend for guys. I mostly had guy friends. I was the friend everyone spilled their heart to: guy or girl. However, my heart always got entwined in these friendship. I realized that I needed to invest my life, heart, and time in my girl friends.

Hope this was helpful!

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